We’ve all had someone tell us, one time in our lives, that the meal we were eating could feed an entire family in a poor country. Well, a standard “Family Size” candy bag could feed about a quarter of that family. If you’ve ever wondered why this is, then look no further than the deepest, darkest corner of Nestiee laboratories, where just yesterday, a family with an average height of 1”3’ was found to have been spending the last ten years eating various candies in order to pass off small portions of candy as “Family Size.”

Nestiee CEO commented on this fiasco this morning by saying, “I swear, they just really like candy!” Upon further investigation, the “Sharing Size” was determined by the fact that a high-precision surgical knife is necessary to share any smaller amount of candy, and “Fun Size” was determined by the fact that any smaller amount of candy would be too insignificant to be registered by a single taste bud, depriving the brain of a single molecule of dopamine. In response, Nestiee has changed their sizes and, on their packages, included the phrase “Now visible with naked eye!”